33 employees at a Virginia accounting firm were seriously injured today, after handling, and being impaled by, tax forms. The injuries ranged from shock, scrapes, and bruises, to what doctors at Bethesda hospital are calling "serious lacerations by paper". One victim, 35 year old Henry Blankenship, said that he "fell to the ground, cowering from the sheer violence of the attack." The managing partner of the firm said that the firm will close until, "we can get a handle on what transpired here today".

Eyewitnesses say that the tax forms were stacked on a desk near the windows, and once the window was opened, a gust of wind turned the normally benign pile into a whirlwind of razor-edged fury. "People where diving under desks and running into each other in attempts to avoid the office-borne shrapnel."

As the news of this event spread, public outrage boiled over into a call for state and federal lawmakers and officials to create and enforce strict tax control laws. Soon, government officials did what they do best, give in to public pressure. The governor of Virginia with the head of the IRS by his side stated, "We cannot subject citizens to the dangers that are now so apparent from paying, filing, and handling taxes. Next April 17th, paying taxes will be a thing of the past and we will all live in peace, as we pay tribute to the victims of this horrible attack."

A member of the media, whose credentials we could not substantiate after extensive calling of 411, asked how the country could continue to function if taxation was suspended. The assembled citizenry made it clear to this so-called reporter that all good change in the country is a product of passionate, reactionary speculation with no underlying principle. The self-proclaimed reporter is in stable but critical condition at Bethesda hospital.